Watoo's Cacao Experience / Yoghurt Weaving Bloodclart

[TT_]

well ?

Tarquin ?

[djjd]

>west end flat, glasgow
>some gadge called frankie
>gadge pronounced w 3 aaa's
>bourneville 90% imported shite
>feel nervous and a bit sexy
>get out spoon, tournokay, expose veins
>innoculate
>listen to chillwave and discuss multiverse
>sexy feels
>post nsb_

[BLista]

Torquil is the new Tarquince

[Dan Badbro_]

Don't let them bully you Watoo. They'll only tease you about it.

[Watoo]

Prologue:

Life has been tough.

Over the past 4 years:

I have had a great friend and mentor kill himself suddenly, without explanation.
I have cared for my dad through a protracted and brutal fight with cancer.
I have had my best friend die through complications due to prostate cancer (which, coincidentally, I found out he had the same week as I watched my dad die in front of me)
I found out my partner of 10 years had been unfaithful to me early in the relationship and had lied, point blank to my face, about it for years.

I am good at dealing with things, I am blessed with a strong constitution and close friend and family connections, but I've been fire fighting mini traumas in my life for so long now that I've gotten pretty jaded and exhausted. Also, in part due to dealing with these emotionally testing events, I have realised that I am on a mild depressive cycle that although not a problem for most of my life, seems to be getting more extreme.

Christmas was tough - lots of sad anniversaries. My best friend Colin died just before Christmas the year before and the year before that my dad got his final diagnosis so I was already feeling reflective and was in one of my "low" periods characterised by lots of solitude and weed smoking during the week and lots of drinking, dancing and drugs at the weekend. Into this headstate my long term partner revealed she wished to move on from our relationship with a mutual friend of ours - this wasn't entirely unexpected, they had, had a bit of a thing over the year but still it was tough to take. We had been together 11 years and although not unexpected it was still "the worst thing in the world". I knew I needed to make a clean break with her so immediately broke off contact so I could start trying to move on myself. I spent Christmas alone house sitting for a friend and reflecting on it (this was really nice actually - it's nice to have that time to reflect over what can be a hectic time of year).

I like to drink. I can choose when I drink, but increasingly not when I stop drinking. I normally drink in most social situations to cover mild but annoying social anxiety. Drinking leads to drugs and intense socialising (leading to more anxiety and more drinking). Sessions can go on over the whole weekend and soak up all my money, free time and social energy. Recoveries take the whole working week over which I am barely functional and achieve little. My life sometimes becomes a repetitive cycle of these extremes, all my time and energy could be taken up by partying and recovering with no space for actually developing myself and trying new things. I've know it's been a problem for years but being in a relationship can kind of lock you in these patterns through laziness. I wasn't ready to take control of it but I knew at some point I would have to.

Over new years I went on a 2 day bender. With all the shit with my ex over Christmas I knew it was going to hurt on the otherside and it did. I spent a week in bed with crippling anxiety (and a bad cold) - I have had worse comedowns but I knew that every comedown would be like this from now on given my state of mind and I wasn't about to destroy myself like that. It was time to take control so I made the decision to quit smoking weed and drinking. I have gone through periods where I have abstained before but this was different.

I have decided I need to actively rehabilitate myself away from using drinking and smoking as a crutch. To do that I don't just need to stop, I need to start doing other things and building positive habits. So I've been looking out for what that might be, and I've been trying new things as well as old things but without the drinking. An all day workshop event appeared in my Facebook feed which covered, elements of psychotherapy, rhythmic breathing exercises and new age mysticism. It was something well out of my comfort zone but a friend of mine was hosting it and something about it resonated with me. I signed up and went last Saturday.

It was here I met Cacao.

[Watoo]

tl:dr

[Dan Badbro_]

U missed the actual story bit.


HTH

[ag4111]

I prescribe 1 x Betty reacharound

xxx

[Dan Badbro_]

Remarkably smooth testicles iirc

[Watoo]

Moar to follow. All reacharounds gleefully accepted xxx

[TT_]

we love you watoo, we do

we love you watoo, we do

we love you watooooooooooooooooo we do

OHWOWO WATOO WE LOVE YOU

I can relate mate

BIGUP YOUR BLOODCLART

[Dan Badbro_]

Ban

[bobby hill]

nearly didn't read
assumed was ironic cut and paste
to the wat

I am blessed with a strong constitution and close friend and family connections

[Deft]

I am generally grateful that although my life is really quite ridiculously boring, I am happy and have no major worries.
One day I might need the cacoa action.

[innocent bystander]

With no irony at all: Whatever works for you, wattttttoooooooo.

Fair play for taking some control over yourself. It's harder than most people would warrant. If it weren't for learning to live with a morphine addiction I probably wouldn't have attempted to do it myself.

Years ago I was diagnosed with PTSD from similar situations to yours, and wouldn't you know it, PTSD (often showing in forms of social anxiety) leads folk to self medicate to further suppress the emotions and processes needed to deal with, rather than bury, the situations.

[Watoo]

Cheers for the supportive comments! I wasn't fishing or expecting that. I was kind of hoping for proper hard NSB roasting/bumming. I'll post the rest of the story at the weekend xx

[Dan Badbro_]

It is impossible to be cruel to butterflies.

HTH

[BLista]

Prologue:

Life has been tough.

Over the past 4 years:

I have had a great friend and mentor kill himself suddenly, without explanation.
I have cared for my dad through a protracted and brutal fight with cancer.
I have had my best friend die through complications due to prostate cancer (which, coincidentally, I found out he had the same week as I watched my dad die in front of me)
I found out my partner of 10 years had been unfaithful to me early in the relationship and had lied, point blank to my face, about it for years.

I am good at dealing with things, I am blessed with a strong constitution and close friend and family connections, but I've been fire fighting mini traumas in my life for so long now that I've gotten pretty jaded and exhausted. Also, in part due to dealing with these emotionally testing events, I have realised that I am on a mild depressive cycle that although not a problem for most of my life, seems to be getting more extreme.

Christmas was tough - lots of sad anniversaries. My best friend Colin died just before Christmas the year before and the year before that my dad got his final diagnosis so I was already feeling reflective and was in one of my "low" periods characterised by lots of solitude and weed smoking during the week and lots of drinking, dancing and drugs at the weekend. Into this headstate my long term partner revealed she wished to move on from our relationship with a mutual friend of ours - this wasn't entirely unexpected, they had, had a bit of a thing over the year but still it was tough to take. We had been together 11 years and although not unexpected it was still "the worst thing in the world". I knew I needed to make a clean break with her so immediately broke off contact so I could start trying to move on myself. I spent Christmas alone house sitting for a friend and reflecting on it (this was really nice actually - it's nice to have that time to reflect over what can be a hectic time of year).

I like to drink. I can choose when I drink, but increasingly not when I stop drinking. I normally drink in most social situations to cover mild but annoying social anxiety. Drinking leads to drugs and intense socialising (leading to more anxiety and more drinking). Sessions can go on over the whole weekend and soak up all my money, free time and social energy. Recoveries take the whole working week over which I am barely functional and achieve little. My life sometimes becomes a repetitive cycle of these extremes, all my time and energy could be taken up by partying and recovering with no space for actually developing myself and trying new things. I've know it's been a problem for years but being in a relationship can kind of lock you in these patterns through laziness. I wasn't ready to take control of it but I knew at some point I would have to.

Over new years I went on a 2 day bender. With all the shit with my ex over Christmas I knew it was going to hurt on the otherside and it did. I spent a week in bed with crippling anxiety (and a bad cold) - I have had worse comedowns but I knew that every comedown would be like this from now on given my state of mind and I wasn't about to destroy myself like that. It was time to take control so I made the decision to quit smoking weed and drinking. I have gone through periods where I have abstained before but this was different.

I have decided I need to actively rehabilitate myself away from using drinking and smoking as a crutch. To do that I don't just need to stop, I need to start doing other things and building positive habits. So I've been looking out for what that might be, and I've been trying new things as well as old things but without the drinking. An all day workshop event appeared in my Facebook feed which covered, elements of psychotherapy, rhythmic breathing exercises and new age mysticism. It was something well out of my comfort zone but a friend of mine was hosting it and something about it resonated with me. I signed up and went last Saturday.

It was here I met Cacao.

good for you. Breaking the cycle is the hardest bit. Weirdly, it's very quick to get over when you suddenly feel alive again, instead of inside a darkening spiral of self medication & self pity.

I found horticulture did the same for me. I have 2 allotments and am experimenting with Permaculture & simultaneous bonsai growing

[moderate]

I would love to post something more constructive/supportive but am preoccupied with my own shiz and may be for some time.
Here's to you breaking the cycles that aren't working for you and having more time to appreciate what makes you feel happy/positive.

[innocent bystander]

Cheers for the supportive comments! I wasn't fishing or expecting that. I was kind of hoping for proper hard NSB roasting/bumming. I'll post the rest of the story at the weekend xx

oh boo-fucking-hoo.



(HTH)