Watoo's Cacao Experience / Yoghurt Weaving Bloodclart

[_j_]

I'm starting to suspect watoo isn't a yogurt weaver at all.

I bet he lied about eating muesli the other day.

[Doomo]

He likes blanching spinach hence referring to 'wilts' early. Dead give away IMO

[TT_]

He likes blanching spinach hence referring to 'wilts' early. Dead give away IMO

doomo its sad to see where you've got to

there are people who love you doomo

give up this spinach based tragedy ASAP

THERE ARE NO FUCKING UNICORNS OK DOOMO ?

[bobby hill]

blanching spinach

[innocent bystander]

He likes blanching spinach hence referring to 'wilts' early. Dead give away IMO

doomo its sad to see where you've got to

there are people who love you doomo

give up this spinach based tragedy ASAP

THERE ARE NO FUCKING UNICORNS OK DOOMO ?

yes there are tam. on the passport youre about to use to go to foreign. solid, english unicorns.

[bobby hill]

yes, they existed in the western times from when the pilgrims imported them

so perhaps they have persisted in the mountains or something

[TT_]

He likes blanching spinach hence referring to 'wilts' early. Dead give away IMO

doomo its sad to see where you've got to

there are people who love you doomo

give up this spinach based tragedy ASAP

THERE ARE NO FUCKING UNICORNS OK DOOMO ?

yes there are tam. on the passport youre about to use to go to foreign. solid, english unicorns.

Oh fuck you're right

On my fucking passport

Are we now a nation of unicorn munchers ?

Frankly I'm disgusted

[Dan Badbro_]

We've wandered away from the subject of the topic.

[TT_]

We've wandered away from the subject of the topic.

true

where is that yoghurt weaver anyway?

[bobby hill]

ffs you flerpy twapp

[Watoo]

I had my doctors appointment for impotence today. Went well.

[Dan Badbro_]

Did u win?

[TT_]

I had my doctors appointment for impotence today. Went well.

Watoo I will do my best to give you THE HORN

[bobby hill]

...from off of a unicorn's forehead

[Dan Badbro_]

KEEP SUMMER SAFE

[Doomo]

I'm sure it will be a british summer for british people once we leave the EEUGH

[_j_]

Will Watoo ever finish this story?

The first part was so eloquently written.

[Watoo]

So much MORE has happened since. I met my spirit animal. He is a lobster. Ok, maybe it's time to finish this story and work is pretty quiet right now...

[Watoo]

So…

Special agent cacao. A newcomer to the force but one with a decent reputation. This was the first time with him as my partner on the beat. I didn’t know what to expect from the guy. I was soon to find, he was the least of my worries…

Ok, so picture the scene (and read the first instalment):

I am laying in a large hall surrounded by a bunch of beautiful women (and some beautiful men). It is cold but I am covered in blankets. I have just gone through my first BioDynamic Breathwork session which was one of the most intense (non-drug) experiences of my life (that’s another story). Because of this I am feeling pretty trippy. We are coming to the final healing ceremony of the day - the Cacao Ceremony. I am nervous. All the talk leading up to this has been of ayahuasca and kambo and right now I’d rather be coming down than going on another trip round my psyche but hey ho, when in Rome - Dunkirk spirit etc… I’m not going to be the one that makes the bolt for the door first.

We are all given paper cups which we have to write our name on (I’m still not sure why). My name is Christian. I put a smiley face on the cup underneath my name. I am wearing a bright yellow t-shirt with a smiley face on it - earlier in the day I had found out my Mayan archetype was of a Yellow Galactic Human whose symbol looks like a yellow smiley face. I am way too deep in this to be backing out now.

A pot comes round, it smells nice - like earthy hot chocolate. The facilitators, who at this stage I love and trust implicitly, come round gleefully ladling it into our cups. I ask for extra to fill my cup to the brim - I am being so fucking brave. It feels warm and comforting in the cup, like a cup of hot chocolate would, we are asked to hold it close to our hearts whilst everyone gets theirs. We add a little syrup to taste. I add lots.

There is lots of talk about the cacao spirit, about sacred plant medicines, about quantum healing and pulling out and cleansing patterns from our ancestry. My bullshit senses are going into overdrive but these are good people and they are trying to help me. I try to listen and be open hoping the cacao will get me in the mood. We take our first sips.

It tastes like earthy hot chocolate. There is a bitterness there but the syrup levels it out. I really like the taste. Because I love raw chocolate. Because I’m drinking hot chocolate. Because cacao is just hot chocolate.

Really? I’m confused, maybe there is something I’m missing, maybe they put something in it to make you release all that quantum trauma I’ve apparently been holding on to. Maybe chocolate manufacturers take out the latent psychoactive compounds to sanitise it for the British public.

Some music starts, across the room one of the facilitators (there are 4) lets out a burp that rips through the room like thunder. I am genuinely a little shocked.

Laying back I decide to go inside myself and review the day. It’s been a big day. I am going through big shit at the moment and today lots of things have come to a head (in a beautiful way). The music is loud. The burping is louder. The other facilitators have started now. Every minute or so one of them goes off - these are not normal burps - they are sustained explosions of gas that rip across the room. I couldn’t burp like that even if I tried and practiced for days. I am so confused.

The shaman lady asks for the cacao-onaughts to call out negative patterns they find in their lives. I keep quiet - there are more than enough people who want to contribute. After each one is called the shaman lady hacks, spits and burps out the badness - literally becoming a filter for the bad vibe and physically manifesting the negativity out of it. I understand and appreciate this, but it’s not a very relaxing experience.

The music intensifies. Other people are starting to burp. Other people around me. Not just burping. The woman next to me is loudly passing wind. Jesus Christ she can toot. She’s not the only one. I become convinced my cacao is going to kick in like a motherfucker and I am to become the fartiest man in the village, billowing under my blanket like the last night of the proms. For a second this arouses me.

I close my eyes and check in on myself - I am not coming up on hot chocolate. I am not going to get high off hot chocolate. I relax. I understand what is going on better now, this one is not for me today. The ceremony continues, people start crying out, reliving traumas, relieving themselves of emotional burdens. I am just happy to be there to bear witness and hold the space for them. The critical and judging parts of me have faded. I feel love for those around me. I am grateful and warm and cosy in my blanket with a belly full of delicious hot cacao sprit.

The ceremony fades with the music. The burping and the farting and the crying and the screaming slowly winds down. Gently, one by one we all sit up and integrate ourselves back in the room. There is a little cacao left over in the pot. I am the first to ask for another cup.

[Doomo]

so you didnt get fucked on ayahuasca then? gutz